If Only

Originally posted on Medium

Sourced from Google Images

Do I ever cross your mind?
If only as a brief flutter
Do I ever make you wind?
Your words, if only a stutter
Do you ever think about me?
Just one thought, if only, in your day

I wish it was my hands that you reached out for
I wish it was my lips that felt your kiss
I wish it was me that you woke up to
I wish it was my quirks that you smiled at
I wish it was I that handed you the longing

Did I ever puncture your soul?
Even so much as make
A pinprick worth of difference
To pop up, if only once, if only,
In the randomness of your dreams?
Once in a million frames?
How could you be so close, yet so far
Your beady eyes that torment me
My inaction popping a balloon full of what-ifs
Knocking, knocking at my peace
If only.

The way you raise your eyebrow
When explaining in all seriousness
Even as I pretend to listen and nod
How sweetly that you draw on coffee
Holding me unwittingly spellbound

If not ridden by doubts and
The emphatic silliness of my whims
Maybe, just maybe
If only eyes could speak,
I’d sing you a sonnet, if only.

I wish I could be the dead fly in your coffee
An intrusion, even if annoying
I wish I could be the dog ear fold
of your trashy magazine
Holding your mind space,
If only, if only, for the splinter of a second

I’ve nothing to ask; and nothing to say
Even as a hundred questions spark and die
At the edge of my dull horizon
A hundred desires unquenched
That I shut down with steel-cold morality

If only, the world were simpler
I’d take you on a long walk
Holding your arms and smiling shyly
But you’ll never know and I’ll never know
What could’ve been

If only.

Disclaimer: Don’t ping me. No, I am not in love. Most of above are simulated feelings because that’s what you do as an aspiring writer. ‘You’re cool, let’s have coffee, end of story’ doesn’t make for great poems :P